Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
