Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
