i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
