remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize