Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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