I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
