wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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