I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
