I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
