saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
