Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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