Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
