you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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