You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize