Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
