my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize