A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
