The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
