What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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