Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish my penis had an off switch
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
