God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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