Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
