It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
