Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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