Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
