Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
