and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
People in love make me want to vomit
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
