In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
