Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize