ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
