Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
