i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
