What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize