i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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