Don't make out with my wife yet
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
