The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
