You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
