I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They are going to name an STD after you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
