so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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