weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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