How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
