I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
