You really coming over, don't trick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
