Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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