My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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