i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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