i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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