girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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