It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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