What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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