What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
