brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
