ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize