i can't believe i had my finger in that
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
