my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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