Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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