I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
