why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
