Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
