it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
